Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Cow Recovery Bucket?!?!?

Yesterday was an interesting day.  To say the very least.  Oh. My. Goodness. It resulted in my husband coming in at about 7:30 last night with a bucket.  The Cow Recovery Bucket (we'll just call it CRB. It's easier.)  Which is basically an old ice cream bucket with corn and a rope.

So why, Kerri, do you need a CRB? you ask.

VERY good question.

So yesterday morning the dogs starting barking like crazy.  Not unusual, but it requires investigation.  I look out the south window and see 2 large cows standing in the road.  I was trying to discern if these were our neighbors cows, or ours.  They proceeded to run away from the house, right on down the road. They looked WAY too big to be ours.  I was "this" close to calling the hair salon on the corner, because the woman who runs it is the daughter of my neighbor with the cows. (For my city friends, and those who knew me before I became hick-a-fied, yes, I know I sound like a redneck.)

Well, before I could call, Jacob yells, "Mom, those ARE our cows!"  I'm like, CRAP!

It's 12 degrees outside. There are patches of ice everywhere.  MG + trach + 12 degrees F + icy ground = Kerri doesn't go outside.

Unless the blasted lovely cows gets out!!  I immediately call Doug, panicking calmly informing him of the situation.  He says he's on the way home NOW. I tell Jacob to get dressed, get his coat on, go out and turn the fence off (later I'm thinking, duh, the fence is probably not ON, which is why the COWS WALKED OUT).  Then I told him to open the gate.  I frantically look for the Jacob's bag of apples in the pantry.  Crap.  Just used the last one last night. No apples. 

While he's doing this, I'm on the lookout for giant hoofed animals that are somewhere in the vicinity of my house, running amok. I found 2 half rotten apples and gave them to Jacob who stood by the back door in case they came down one side of the driveway.

I then went up to the front of the house, looked out the windows, and found a big ol' brown cow butt *right* there.  So I frantically move all the stuff in front of the front door (yes I know it's a fire hazard, but we never use that door, and that's a perfect spot for Jacob's easel), whip open the door, and now I'm toe to hoof with 2 animals that collectively weigh close to a ton.

I was shaking in my slippers.  I had my typical morning attire on: tank top, shorts, cardigan sweatshirt and slippers.  (Remember now, it's 12 degrees.)  I am not a fan of livestock.  Especially when they are in my FRONT YARD staring me down....  They are big and they scare me. I'm yelling around the house for Jacob to bring me the two apples we did have.  Finally remembered that he was INSIDE the back door, so I open the front door and holler as loud as I can, and Jacob comes running.

ALL kinds of thoughts are running through my mind....they're gonna charge me.  They're going to decide that door looked pretty good and want to come in.  Can you imagine?  COWS in your house??
Well thank the good Lord that didn't happen. 

Here I am, out in the freezing cold, talking to these two ginormous cows trying to keep them from running away with nothing but my charm.  Oh, and 2 apples.  I hold my shaking arm out to Hamburger, the little cow (probably 600 pounds), who is the leader of the group. I have an apple in it. (Albeit a shaking apple.)  Brown cow (1200-1300 pounds) is a scaredy-cow and hates being out of his pasture.  I'm like then why did you leave it, stupid cow?? 

Then a large truck goes by. Oh dear Jesus. Brown Cow gets the even crazier eyes. Hamburger, on the other hand, has these kind of big, doey eyes that are very calm.  Brown Cow?  Not so much.  Crazy-eyes.  And he's got them pinned on me.

I am praying, "Lord Jesus please don't let them stampede, and charge me, or run into the street again!" all whilst holding this shaking apple out to Hamburger.  He took it right. from. my. hand. AHH!!  Thank God he dropped it, and it rolled down the hill in the right direction to go back to their pasture.  The I kind of half-threw, half-dropped the other apple in the driveway and it started to roll, and thankfully Brown Cow went right behind it.

Just then Doug comes home.  He ended up whipping off his belt, getting it around Hamburger's neck, and pulling him into the pasture.  Where Hamburger goes, Brown Cow follows.  So crisis over. He's such a show-off cowboy!

Doug went back to work, Jacob and I did school, and I was totally paranoid, and kept looking out the windows, half-expecting to find Crazy-Eyes staring at me. 

Doug got home late yesterday, but he came in with our Cow Recovery Bucket.  It has corn and a rope. Apparently the idea is, if the cows get out again, to grab the rope out of the bucket and shake the corn.  The shaking of the corn gets their attention.  Then you put a rope around one and put it back.

I'm like, seriously?!?!?  I think I'll still just scream like a girl and call my husband.


Saturday, November 22, 2014

Out of the Dust: A Book Review

photo courtesy of amazon.com

Avis Goodhart did not have the upbringing you may think a "typical" missionary might have.  She was not a missionary's child, she was not a pastor's child.  She wasn't even the child of die-hard church-going folks.

She was more the offspring of gypsies. 

Avis is the oldest of seven children.  Her father had PTSD from WWII, although back then they didn't really call it that.  His way of dealing with it was to move their family around from place to place as often as every few days!  One particularly unstable year, Avis went to 10 different schools in one school year.

Avis had dyslexia. She was sexually abused.  Not the start one might conjur up for a missionary. I don't want to give up too much of the story, because you will want to read this book.  It's amazing to me how God took the pain of her childhood and used it for His glory, and her good.

Avis had a heart for missions, even when she was a child growing up in such instability.  She went on her first mission trip in 1995, when she was 50 years old.

Mrs. Goodhart now runs an organization she founded, called GoYe Ministries, is Pacasmayo, Peru. She founded a church, school and an orphange called Casa de Paz (House of Peace) in 2005.  Avis, through her ministry and faithfulness to God, has helped thousands of people "Out of the Dust."

To read more about Avis Goodhart and her foundation, please go to this website:GoYe Ministries

To purchase this incredible book, you can go here: Amazon.com  (There is also a Kindle version.)

I highly recommend this book.  If you have had pain in your life, it does not mean that you can not be used of God.  God doesn't waste your pain...and neither should you.


Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my fair and honest review.

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Wisdom Of Jacob

Sitting at the dinner table and having a conversation with Jacob present can lead to astonishing things.  You never know what is going to come out of that child's mouth. (And I mean in every way... good, bad, downright shocking!)

Tonight we were talking about my jewelry business (or lack thereof), Kerri's Kreations.
I was trying to decide how long to keep the website up, and I've decided to go through Christmas.  Everything will be 50% off until then.

When I told Doug that I would be shutting it down then, Jacob says, "Wait, mom...what do you mean? No more jewelry?"

I said, "Well, no.  Not after December."
Jacob: "Are you not selling anything?"
Me:  "Very little."
Jacob {without missing a beat!} "Well, mom, maybe you need to do something different.  You know, you have like this box, {and he's shaping a box with his hands on the table} and there's all this stuff in it.  Maybe it's time to set THAT box aside and grab *this* one." {And he pretends to set aside the one and grab another.}  "You know, do something new."

Where the heck???

Then there was the conversation last week in which I was trying to convince Doug to go to our church's Men's Conference.  In reading the description, it might as well have said, "Specifically made for all the things Doug loves to do."  I mean, hunting, fishing, shooting, all that manly man kind of stuff.

So I ask Doug to read it...which he does.  I ask him if he might enjoy going to something like that.  He said no.  I said, come on, be serious for a minute.  Tell me ONE thing you would enjoy about this weekend if you went.  What does he say? "Coming home."

I know he doesn't like leaving me alone with Jacob over night, but I'd figure something out.  I really want him to go to this!  So I say, really...seriously...please tell me ONE thing that you would like about going....shooting?  You'd enjoy that wouldn't you?"

Jacob, in all his 8 year old wisdom says the following:
"Mom. If you crank that rope any tighter it's going to snap and the boat is just going to sail away."

{crickets}

I said, "What?  What are you talking about?"  I had an idea, but couldn't imagine that my child, (brilliant tho he may be) could make such a complex analogy!

So he said, "You know, say there's a crank on a sailboat.  If you keep cranking and keep cranking and keep cranking, the rope is going to snap, the sail is going to fall and the boat will just fly across the lake."

I said, "Okay....but why did you say that?  What were you trying to get at?"

Jacob {waving his hands dramatically}:  "You know, when you encourage someone just the right amount they might do something you want them to.  But if you put too much pressure on them, they'll be sure to not do it."

He put so much emphasis on those words.  I was like, where on earth do you get this from?  This kid is amazing!  I still do a mental jaw drop when I think of that conversation.

So just be prepared when you come to my house for dinner.  You never know what problem lil ol' Confucius might solve for ya!

Friday, August 29, 2014

Seasoning the Beef and Other Farm Tales

It was a fairly decent day weather-wise yesterday, so I was outside several times hanging out with Doug and Jacob.  Doug is scraping and repainting the garage yellow to match the house.  Yay!  It looks awesome.

I'm not sure what came over me, but I heard my voice asking Doug, "Can cows eat pears?"

"Oh, they love them!" says my hubby.  "Just think of it as seasoning the beef!"

So I proceeded to start chucking pears at the cows.  (We have 2 mature pear trees on our property that came with the house...Neither Doug nor I like pears, so most of them drop from the tree and the critters get them.)  The cows actually started chasing them!  I don't think they have the greatest vision however, because Brown Cow (I know, I know..his "real" name is Hangar...as in Hangar Steak, but we just call him Brown Cow.  We are simple folk it would seem.)

Anyway, I digress... Brown Cow would jump and kick up his heels; practically frolic, and chase after the pear.  But then he would lose sight of it, and couldn't find it.  Blackberry Steve (Jacob named her...yes, it's a her) on the other hand, would snatch them right up.  They would even butt heads trying to get them.

Who knew a few unripened pears and half rotten apples could turn bovines into entitled urchins?!?  They kept mooing at Jacob and I wanting more.  I can't believe I'm even writing this post.  It's almost an out-of-body experience for me living here, because it is SO not "me".  I'm still no farm girl, but it's a tad frightening at how the "redneck" kind of creeps up on you.  {Shudder.}

The hillbilly across the street, a.k.a "Bubba", who burned his house down several years ago, still does not live there, nor has anyone cleaned up the wreckage.  I tell ya, if you live out in the sticks you better pray you don't ever have a fire you don't WANT to have... It took forever for the water to get here.  The volunteers arrived, the truck with the POOL arrived; yes, I said pool.  They set up this circus-ring kind of pool, maybe 2 feet deep, and had to wait for the water tanker to come.

Jaw Drop.

I'm like, is this 1950 or.... It was rather crazy.  And frightening.  And reason number 78 to move closer to civilization.

Oh, and then there was the cricket on steroids chirping SO loudly last night that I could hear it over the noise of 3 fans, and oxygen concentrator, and a compressor with a nebulizer on it.  It was like a flipping alarm going off.  A dang CRICKET. 

Doug slept right through it, of course....I was up for probably 45 minutes to an hour searching for the stupid thing.  Yeah, 4:30 in the morning, I'd had about 3 hours of sleep (one of those insomnia nights) and I'm stalking a supersonic cricket.

Sigh.  I love my life I love my life I love my life.....

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Book Review: Shadow Stalker by Barbara Ann Derksen


I received a free copy of this book to review. I was not required to write a positive review nor was I compensated in any other way. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTC Regulations. I am part of The CWA Review Crew.


Melissa Rompart experienced a horror no child should see.  She was a witness to the brutal murder of her parents.  Because the killer saw her, she changed her identity to Christine Finder. As an adult, she created and operated an agency to find lost children.  Her K-9 companion, Chief, partners her.

I was so excited to review this book.  It sounded like a real page turner.  When I read the prologue to this book, I was sucked right in.  It grabbed me by the throat and made me catch my breath. It seemed that my expectations were spot on.

Unfortunately, that's where the thrill ended.  The story line of this book is really, really good.  However, the author could have benefited from more editing.  I am a harsh critic when comes to misspellings, grammatical errors and repeated text in published books.  This book contains many typographical errors that are impossible to overlook.  

There was a large section of text that was printed in the wrong spot, and then reprinted again in the correct spot.  To me, in a published book, that is inexcusable.

I found the text laborious.  It was quite wordy; for example, the author seemed to choose 20 words when 5 would have been sufficient.  The excitement of the story got lost in the verbosity of the text.

As I said, the story line was really good.  I liked the characters and the plot.  However, I couldn't get past the errors and the redundancy of the writing.

Barbara Ann Derksen

Learn more about Barbara at: http://www.barbaraannderksen.com

You can purchase this product at Amazon 
or Barnes and Noble

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Book Review: Woman Of Courage by Wanda E. Brunstetter

                                                         Photo courtesy of amazon.com

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, Woman of Courage, by Wanda E. Brunstetter.  I had not read a book by her before, even though I know she is a very popular Christian author.  I have seen her books around, just never picked one up.  I'm glad I read this book and chose to review it.

Amanda Pearson is a woman of determination.  After her fiance tells her he can't marry her because he doesn't love her anymore, she sets off to become a missionary to the Nez Perce Indians 3000 miles away.  Her journey is nothing like she expected it to be.

What I really enjoyed about this book is that it is very "readable."  It flows very nicely.  The characters are believable, and I really liked "getting to know" them. 

If I had to say one slightly negative thing about Woman of Courage, it would be that it was a touch predictable.  There were some big surprises, but the overall storyline was a bit expected.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for a good, clean romance with a few unexpected twists.  I think you would enjoy it.

About the Author: (from the back cover of the book)
"Wanda E. Brunstetter and her husband live in Washington State, but take every opportunity to visit friends in Amish settlements throughout the States."
*dislaimer:  I was sent this book at no cost in return for my fair and honest review.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

A New Space

Yes, I am still among the living!  I've actually been super busy with homeschooling Jacob, among other things.  He continues to learn and grow and amaze me pretty much every day.

Well.  As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been writing here much.  That's because I am now writing over at MomPro!!  I am so excited to be part of this ministry.... Great things are going to happen there!

Just click HERE and please subscribe!  Then you will get all of the wonderful writing from a diverse and wondeful group of authors right into your inbox!

I am leaving this blog right where it is, and I'm not saying I'll never be back.  But the majority of my writing will now be on the MomPro site.  I am featured Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.  Soon there will be more exciting things available on MomPro...an exclusive line of my jewelry being one of them!

I am very excited about this opportunity, and I would LOVE your support.
Thanks!